Make revisions and edits to persuasive essay per the comments of the instructor:
Instructor comments:
This is a very well written paper.
However, the argument needs to be stronger:
1. The topic is too broad. It addresses cyberbullying, loss of privacy, and damage to reputation, but these are all separate topics, and one of them is blacklisted. (See the W5 course announcement.) An argument is more effective if it addresses a single, narrow topic.
2. The solution is vague. It is easy to say “more must be done,” but what does this mean? If you focus on a narrow topic, you can focus on a specific solution.
3. Research is slight. There is a good attempt to use sources, but citations should appear throughout the paper. Give examples, statistics, and other evidence to support your claims.
On the plus side, you did a great job of explaining the negative aspects of social media and addressing a counterargument. You can expand your refutation more; give examples of how not being on social media does not resolve the problem.
The final draft of your essay should contain the following basic features:
- A well-defined issue that is controversial by nature
- A clear thesis statement that demonstrates the position you will be taking throughout this essay
- A treatment of at least three reputable sources, at least one drawn from the EBSCO database, and at least one of them supporting your claim
- A counter argument with at least one credible source defending the opposing viewpoint
- A refutation to or compromise with the counter argument
In addition to the above, the final draft of your essay should be:
- From 900 to 1200 words in length, typed in Times New Roman, 12pt. font, double-spaced, with one inch margins
- Written primarily in third person
- Edited for spelling, mechanical, grammatical, and typing errors
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