After reading the two articles for this module on attraction, mating, and the internet (ATTACHED), please complete the Pick the Right Date interactive. Then, answer the following question: What are the key variables that a person looks for when they are looking for a long-term mate? Given those variables in the profiles of two potentially compatible people, how accurately can you predict their long-term relationship success?
Use research from the Shapiro Library to support your claims.
To complete this assignment, review the Graduate Discussion Rubric document.
AFTER COMPLETING THE INITIAL POST, PLEASE ALSO RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING TWO STUDENTS REGARDING THE SAME TOPIC!
STUDENT ONE:
Buss and Schmitt (1993) discuss Sexual Strategies Theory, which means that humans have created this list of different short-term and long-term mating strategies. These strategies factor in a person’s culture, social context, their parental influence, and how desirable they feel their mate is. Men and women have different variables that they look for in a mate. Men tend to desire youth and health in women, while women desire mates that possess resources, such as ambition, wealth and industriousness. In the article written by Sprecher and Reis (2009), it is noted that physical appearance has been considered one of the most influential factors in attraction. In our society today, people are using the internet to find potential long-term mates. The internet has created a place for people to exchange photos, engage more readily on their thoughts and feelings, which creates more feelings of attraction more quickly. Other key variables that a person might look for, especially in online dating, is proximity to where they live, and their moral upbringings. Do they want children? What are their hobbies and interests? Are they career oriented? What are their personal political and religious views?
Knowing this information and what men look for in women, I believe that John should choose Deborah as a potential date. Deborah (20) and John (22) are both close in age, making them more likely to be in the same time period of their lives. They both may have similar life goals and are on career paths. The bigger the age gap, the different areas in life people are. They are also from the same state. This is important for new relationships to be in closer proximity. Long-distance relationships are difficult to maintain and could create problems down the line (wanting to see each other more or trying to decide if one should move away from their home to be with the other). John and Deborah also share similar religious beliefs. Deborah is agnostic, while John is an atheist. They both favor sciences in their beliefs and studies. It is important to share similar religious and cultural views because having very different beliefs can cause conflict in the relationship. Both John and Deborah have a love for animals and want children in their future. Lastly, they share some of the same interests, such as hiking. I feel that it is important to be able to spend quality time enjoying things together and having similar interests; however, it is also important to have differences. The rest of the candidates had very little in common with John and these were big issue differences. For example, some of them are divorced and already have children and don’t want anymore, while others have polar opposite religious views. It’s okay to have little differences that you can share and build upon, it’s the large, moral differences that should be defined to make sure that people are compatible.
References
Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (1993). Sexual strategies theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review, 100(2), 204–232. https://doi-org.ezproxy.snhu.edu/10.1037/0033-295X.100.2.204
Sprecher, S., & Reis, H. T. (2009). Encyclopedia of Human Relationships. Thousand Oaks, Calif: SAGE Publications, Inc. Retrieved from https://search-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/logi…
STUDENT TWO:
A lot of us seek one partner for life or at least for a while. But how do we choose the partner? We meet hundreds and thousands of people in our lives, what makes two people pick each other among the countless of available candidates? I deduce from reading the two assigned articles for this week, the key variables that a person look for are exposure/familiarity, physical attraction, personality and character, proximity and similarity.
According to Sprecher and Reis (2009), the chief variables for someone looking for a partner are attractiveness, proximity and similarity. In their research, physical appearance is the most influential factor in face-to-face interactions but in internet interactions, personality traits are the dependent factor. Buss and Schmitt (1993) had differences between sexes – men look for youth and attractiveness; whereas women, look for intelligence, financial security and protection. The experts were able to describe a variety of traits and variables that we find important in selecting long term mates, but I believe that no one is able to predict or produce a formula or solution to a long lasting and happy relationship because humans choices and behaviour are so complicated.
We can take the key variable and help find a good match for John. So, I picked Deborah for him as a potential compatible girl for him.
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John 22 years old Lives in Manchester, NH Electrical Engineer with a Bachelors from UNH Loves to fish and hike Hopes to have 2 kids some day Has two dogs Is an atheist and believes all world problems can be answered with science Is a smart, funny and thoughtful hopeless romantic |
Deborah 20 years old Lives in Northern New Hampshire Junior at SNHU studying Environmental Science Is an Agnostic Hopes to one day have 2 or 3 children Would like to get a job at a Pharmaceutical company Loves all animals Spends free time hiking |
John and Deborah are similar in age, she is younger than him, live in the same state fairly close to each other, he went to a school only 30 miles from her current school, both of them love to hike, John loves dogs and Deborah loves all animals. He is atheist and she is Agnostic and most importantly, they both wish to have 2 children. He is an electrical Engineer which means he mostly likely have a steady job to meet one of Deborah’s needs. This would satisfy some of the factors of exposure/familiarity, proximity and similarity. From the photos both are consider attractive with similar physique. The factors that are unknown to us are their characters and personality; although we know that John is smart, funny and thoughtful. Compare to the other three contestants, I believe Deborah is the most fitting candidate for John.
There is absolutely no way to speculate if they will end up getting married or live happily ever after despite meeting most of the key factors. I have seen couples (both heterosexuals and homosexuals) who are very similar and the opposite of each other, neither combination promise long term happiness. I believe it boils down to acceptance and adaption. If we can be accepting of our partners and adapt to them without losing our own cores, that might be a key to a happy relationship. However, Buss & Schmitt (1991) and Reis and Sprecher (2009) have provided us with a lot of information to help us get a good start in finding our potential dream mate.
References:
Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (1993). Sexual Strategies Theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review, 100(2), 204–232. https://doi-org.ezproxy.snhu.edu/10.1037/0033-295X.100.2.204
Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2009). Encyclopedia of human relationships. [electronic resource]. SAGE. Retrieved from https://search-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/logi…
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